every now and then, i answer some questions.

Lee, again, asks:

the glock comes in at like 1.5 seconds doesn’t it haha? … at 1:30 def some glock =D.

oh that. no i think thats some kind of bad electronic congo sound i pulled from some drum machine.

Eric asks:

Does listening to your songs grant me access to any musical “prestige classes”, or am i going to have to earn experience points by defeating Isaac Hayes with my +5 Vorpal Amplifier of Serious Smoothness first?

clever. i see what you did there, eric.

oh, d&d, how i miss you. my regular d&d group hasn’t played for around 6 months – one of the dudes went and had a baby and it RUINED EVERYTHING. no, that’s not true. i’m sure the birth was just a coincidence. still… a pox on you and your child.

my dungeons & dragons character is theo, he is a carmendine monk wandering the forgotten realms with his brothers. he comes from an order of monks known as the zealots of the written word, they combine kung fu knowledge with wizardry. technically, he is a conjurer. he carries a masterwork kama and has some messed up special abilities. like, four times a day, he can teleport 10 feet immediately in any direction. very handy in melee.

one of his favourite spells is glitterdust – one of the campest spells invented ever, theo rubs his fingers together and then his opponents are covered in glittery gold fairy dust, temporarily blinded. another of his favourite spells is belker claws – claws of smoke jut out from his hands and tear into a nearby enemy causing severe damage. i like to imagine him doing some kind of kung fu flourish at this point.

did i mention he bears a striking resemblance to an adult malcolm jamal-warner?

i’m a fuckin bad-ass

theo and his pals are currently poised on a cliffhanger – at the end of our last session we were about to have our asses handed to us by miscellaneous demons entering an evil church via recently opened gates of hell. should have seen it coming really.

if you want to play theo in your own campaigns – and trust me, you do – here is theo’s character sheet.

send your questions to asktim@iamfauxpas.com. i’ll quote your first name on the blog unless you request anonymity.